One Year

It's been 1 year.  ONE YEAR.  How is that even possible?  Reilly Christian, one year ago, we planned your perfect arrival.  We prayed for you... and then over you.  We authored your perfect fairytale.  As would be your greatest wish, we made you into a train.  And your story, a beautiful journey.  We acknowledged your stops along the way as loving landmarks of your life and elevated your destination as a moment, a space in time, of pure happiness- complete with real tracks that would lead you to the threshold of a place called "home."

"Home..." That's a word so many of us take for granted.  For those of us who are lucky, home means love.  It means a tribe of people who are simply "ours." They're not perfect.  It's not perfect.  But it's warm.  It's familiar.  It's who we are to your very core.  And even if home brings conflict or brokenness... for those of us who have it, home is still, familiar.  It's reliable.  It's consistent.  And for better or worse, it is still who we are to our very core.

Reilly, my beautiful, strong-willed, resilient boy...I am so sorry.  I am so sorry that your beloved tracks led you to a foreign shed.  I am so sorry that on the day of your arrival, we had a party...with your favorite character, Thomas the Train....to celebrate our joy.  To celebrate your arrival at your

"home."

Your home.

Your "home...?"

New scents, new sounds, new things, new routines, new expectations, new communication, new activities, new people...

New..."family?"

New everything.

But...Congratulations!!! 

It's been 1 year.  ONE YEAR.  How is that even possible?  Caleb John, one year ago, we celebrated your moment of becoming a big brother with all the gusto you dreamed of and deserved.  We prayed with you, we prayed for you...and then, over you.  We authored your perfect fairytale.  You walked beside us as we created a world in which you too, could experience a moment of pure happiness, excitement, joy, bliss...

And for that moment in time...I think you did.

But all parties come to an end.  And much the way your carefully placed balloons began to lose their air in the days and weeks that would follow, so too would your fantasy image of life as a big brother deflate and fade as well.

But...Congratulations!!!

Friends, life is not a perfect fairytale.  There are ups and there are downs and if we are lucky, we find a way to see the beauty in our blessings- not the ones that leap out in our faces but the ones we have to search for.  

Like the whispers of the Holy Spirit, the ones we must be still to even know are there...

My sweet Reilly, there's a day that's so vivid in my mind, I know that I will never forget it, no matter how hard I try...It was a couple months in and you were in the midst of one of your most heartbreaking meltdowns...you had pitched every object in your room at the doorway where I was standing, screaming masses of hateful words at me, and then with nothing left to turn to, you jarred your jaw into the drywall and attempted to chew your way out of the hell that your life had become.  

Hell...?

Yes, friends. Hell.  Imagine all you've ever known being taken away from you and being reintroduced into a new family, whom you would develop a sense of identity with.  

Only to find out that one year later, it was time to move again...but this time to your "forever family."

Forever...?

Would you know who you were?  Would you trust where you are?  Would words be enough?  I know know that they wouldn't be for me.

My sweet Caleb, you watched all of this.  Each and every scene of heartbreak unfolded before your innocent eyes.  Way too quickly, those beautiful eyes would mature far beyond your years.  You became fearful, then protective, then sad, then angry, then...

Something entirely different...

You became the most empathetic person I have ever met in my life.  

And while chaos still ensued all around you, it was you, Caleb John, who began to calm the storm in your little brother's heart. 

Every time you held his hand walking across a parking lot or climbed into bed to wrap your arms around him- even if moments earlier he had just unleashed all of his sadness and anger upon you, emotionally, and yes, sometimes physically, you showed him grace.  You taught him love.  And I truly believe that you, more anyone else, finally brought Reilly

Home.

As I sit writing this today, we are going on almost two months of pure happiness.  Two months of uninhibited affection through both word and deed.  

Reilly Christian... I'll never forget the moment I knew you knew our love.  It was the same moment I knew you loved me too.  Since that very first night, 365 days ago, I have sung Amazing Grace to you.  Every. Single. Night. No matter how hard the day had been, I ended it with the words: "You are forever mine." 

It was about a week before Christmas.  I was holding you in your bed, singing.  And I was on that very last line of the song.  I sang: "You are forever..." 

And you reached up, put both of your little hands on my cheeks, looked deeply into my eyes, and sang the sweetest, most beautifully sung word I think I have ever heard:

"Mine."

In that single moment, the walls came crashing down.  Along with some of the biggest Mommy tears this Momma has ever shed.

A long and painful prelude had finally come to a close and for us, it's almost like our book, a imperfect fairytale stitched together not by fantasy or dreams, but by faith, hope, and ever so patient love  

is only just beginning.   

And for the first time, I can truly say, we, the Humphrey Family: 

Chad, Nicole, Caleb, and Reilly.
(and a whole bunch of little furries)

WE are so very happy.

To all of you who have followed us along the way, prayed for us, cheered for us, thought of us, we thank you so much! Your support means more than you will ever know!